Saturday, April 19, 2008

Fun With New Friends

So since my last post, I've made some friends in the sga community. Calvin, Aaron, and Jake. Well, communication started with facebook and messages therewith. Calvin and Aaron live in Provo and Jake is in Ogden (a couple hours north). They're all really patient and non-intrusive in the sense that they were there to help or they were totally ok if I decided that I would go back to the way things were and pretend like I never met or talked with them. I surpassed the nerves and worries and started talking with them over the phone and eventually decided to do lunch with Calvin and Aaron and some movies. Just try to imagine the meeting. I totally wasn't sure what kind of discussion they were thinking of and the same visa versa. There were definately a few um's and silences at first, but then, we started talking pretty freely. Some of it was about our shared problem and some of it was about anything. It felt pretty good to be talking for real and not hiding anything, but it was still aquard cause of how it was so arranged. We ended up going hot-tubbing and just talking until late in the night. The next day, we watched a movie in the afternoon and then went into the mountains in the late evening and made a fire and spent the evening (until about 2am) cooking steaks and shooting some guns.

Now, I know this sounds quite random and, knowing that we three have that same sga issue, kind of gay. Well...random it was, but gay it wasn't. You've gotta know this. The main reason that I wanted to meet up with these guys is cause they've been traveling this road of dealing with sga longer than me and they had both, via email, mentioned that their real goal was to have a real family of their own and be good, faithful husbands and fathers. I, too, HAVE NO GREATER DESIRE. Instead of this being some homo-endulging fun time, we really felt safe knowing that we shared this common ailment and common goal. Safe is a very great way to feel, especially when it is so rare. I've also noticed that I have been so much stronger at fighting this weakness since I confronted it, meaning that I've not had event the desire for inappropriate things since that Monday night thing with the Matis'. I was talking with Jake today and I described it to him thus: "Ok, it doesn't feel like this, but this description seems to fit what the situation looks like objectively. It's almost like there's this need or void inside me that I've been neglecting to acknowledge, and accordingly, it's gone to extremes to be filled. Now that I'm confronting it, the need/desire is getting met by meeting and talking with friends that have the same problem and I don't feel like it's killing me anymore-I feel like I'm ok to pray and try to have the Spirit. I feel so much better now-healthier."

I guess what I wanted to say with this post is that things have really gotten better this week with regards to my new friends and the things that I'm learning and experiencing. Some hope! Good friends mean the world. Really they do.

1 comment:

SNAYJ said...

Thank goodness for that Jake...well maybe for Calvin and Aaron as well!! Fun it was...but gay it wasn't...that's great!