Now, I know this sounds quite random and, knowing that we three have that same sga issue, kind of gay. Well...random it was, but gay it wasn't. You've gotta know this. The main reason that I wanted to meet up with these guys is cause they've been traveling this road of dealing with sga longer than me and they had both, via email, mentioned that their real goal was to have a real family of their own and be good, faithful husbands and fathers. I, too, HAVE NO GREATER DESIRE. Instead of this being some homo-endulging fun time, we really felt safe knowing that we shared this common ailment and common goal. Safe is a very great way to feel, especially when it is so rare. I've also noticed that I have been so much stronger at fighting this weakness since I confronted it, meaning that I've not had event the desire for inappropriate things since that Monday night thing with the Matis'. I was talking with Jake today and I described it to him thus: "Ok, it doesn't feel like this, but this description seems to fit what the situation looks like objectively. It's almost like there's this need or void inside me that I've been neglecting to acknowledge, and accordingly, it's gone to extremes to be filled. Now that I'm confronting it, the need/desire is getting met by meeting and talking with friends that have the same problem and I don't feel like it's killing me anymore-I feel like I'm ok to pray and try to have the Spirit. I feel so much better now-healthier."
I guess what I wanted to say with this post is that things have really gotten better this week with regards to my new friends and the things that I'm learning and experiencing. Some hope! Good friends mean the world. Really they do.